All The Things She Said: Everything I Know About Modern Lesbian and Bi Culture
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- Create Date：2021-08-30 07:50:56
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Daisy Jones
- ISBN：1529328039
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Summary
A modern， personal guide to the culture of queer women and everyone in between。
All The Things She Said explores the nature of 21st century queerness。 Lesbian and bi culture is ever-changing and here， journalist Daisy Jones unpicks outdated stereotypes and shows how， over the past few years， the style and shared language of queer women has slowly infiltrated the mainstream。 （Think less hemp sandals， IKEA trips and nut milks and more freedom， expression， community。 And Cate Blanchett。）
From the dingy basement clubs of east London to the unchartered realms of TikTok， cutting in DIY mullets and christening Meryl Streep 'Daddy'， Daisy explores the multifaceted nature of what it means to be lesbian or bi today， while also looking back and celebrating the past。
The book shines a light on the never-ending process of coming out， what it's like to date as a queer woman， how physical nightlife spaces have evolved into online communities and the reasons why mental health issues have disproportionately impacted LGBTQ+ people。
As someone immersed in the queer culture of women， Daisy brings both the personal perspective and a journalistic one to this changing landscape。 Through interviews and lived experience， a cohesive image emerges: one which shows that being lesbian， bi， or anything in between， isn't necessarily always tied to gender， sexual practice or even romantic attraction。
With verve， humour and razor-sharp prose， Daisy paints a vital and insightful modern day portrait of what it means to be a queer woman in 2021。
All The Things She Said explores the nature of 21st century queerness。 Lesbian and bi culture is ever-changing and here， journalist Daisy Jones unpicks outdated stereotypes and shows how， over the past few years， the style and shared language of queer women has slowly infiltrated the mainstream。 （Think less hemp sandals， IKEA trips and nut milks and more freedom， expression， community。 And Cate Blanchett。）
From the dingy basement clubs of east London to the unchartered realms of TikTok， cutting in DIY mullets and christening Meryl Streep 'Daddy'， Daisy explores the multifaceted nature of what it means to be lesbian or bi today， while also looking back and celebrating the past。
The book shines a light on the never-ending process of coming out， what it's like to date as a queer woman， how physical nightlife spaces have evolved into online communities and the reasons why mental health issues have disproportionately impacted LGBTQ+ people。
As someone immersed in the queer culture of women， Daisy brings both the personal perspective and a journalistic one to this changing landscape。 Through interviews and lived experience， a cohesive image emerges: one which shows that being lesbian， bi， or anything in between， isn't necessarily always tied to gender， sexual practice or even romantic attraction。
With verve， humour and razor-sharp prose， Daisy paints a vital and insightful modern day portrait of what it means to be a queer woman in 2021。
Reviews
Matilda
，
Probably erring on the side of a 3。5 for me。I found this really interesting， it's very well researched and I particularly liked the investigations into how modern culture came to be。 I really liked looking at queer history through the lens of aesthetics and pop culture instead of policy and the fight for equality - obviously important， but sometimes it's fun to read about the other stuff too。When it comes to the discussion of modern queer culture， the perspective is very much that of a millennia Probably erring on the side of a 3。5 for me。I found this really interesting， it's very well researched and I particularly liked the investigations into how modern culture came to be。 I really liked looking at queer history through the lens of aesthetics and pop culture instead of policy and the fight for equality - obviously important， but sometimes it's fun to read about the other stuff too。When it comes to the discussion of modern queer culture， the perspective is very much that of a millennial， white， east London gay。 Which is fine， and Jones acknowledges that it comes from her own experience， but it’s a very particular experience and therefore not always very relatable。 I tend to find that any attempt to really specify queer culture can do more to alienate than unite。 For this reasons the more generalised discussions were preferable to me。 （The style chapter is worst for this， but equally the paragraph about an ugly fleece being queer culture。。。 Daisy ur so right）There were a couple of other things I prickled at， but overall I did enjoy this and its broad look at various corners of modern queer culture and how it's evolved in the last few decades。 I think if you were a little older and will relate to the mentions of Sugar Rush etc （I don't even know what that is） this would really be a 'wow， she really captured queer culture' read but that effect was slightly dampened on me。 。。。more
Amy
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I was gonna say this is required reading for my fellow millennial sapphics， but you know what？ This is required reading for straight people too。
sallanvaara
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Yet another reading experience left to teeter between 3 and 4 stars。 I'm tentatively rounding up basically just for how much the author's explanation and exploration of her sexuality and what the label "lesbian" means to her resonated with me。 I FELT SO SEEN etc。Overall this was a well-written， fun and enjoyable exploration of queer women's culture in the recent decades。 So basically what it says on the tin。 The subtitle "Everything I Know About Modern Lesbian and Bi Culture" is spot-on， and als Yet another reading experience left to teeter between 3 and 4 stars。 I'm tentatively rounding up basically just for how much the author's explanation and exploration of her sexuality and what the label "lesbian" means to her resonated with me。 I FELT SO SEEN etc。Overall this was a well-written， fun and enjoyable exploration of queer women's culture in the recent decades。 So basically what it says on the tin。 The subtitle "Everything I Know About Modern Lesbian and Bi Culture" is spot-on， and also unfortunately encapsulates some of the shortcomings of this book。 As in， it's definitely written from one perspective and mostly stays within that scope。 Jones does， imo， an excellent job of reminding the reader of the intersections and minorities within minorities in queer culture， but the focus is still very white， very young， relatively cis （although the interviews cover a delightful swathe of gender identities so it's not all cis lesbians here， thankfully！） and all in all somewhat narrow in scope。 However， I don't think that's necessarily a flaw of the author or the book， you can only cover so much ground in 240 pages after all。 And Jones is clearly writing primarily from her own experiences， and I think that's fine。 This isn't a memoir， but neither does it claim to be a comprehensive history of queer culture from the beginning of time and all across the world。 It's one British queer woman's take on the culture she lives and grew up in， with nice interview-based peeks into other experiences to fill in the gaps。 It's fine。As a queer woman only a year younger than the author， it was fascinating to see where our experiences overlapped and differed。 I've been aware of my queerness for a good 15 or so years now， but my touchpoints in queer culture have been quite different from the mainstream in many ways。 My queer culture began as alternative music culture and - perhaps in part due to my country of birth and the different cultural landscape in that sense - I have never sought representations of myself in iconic products of queer culture like The L Word。 In fact， I have never seen a single episode of The L Word and I am probably going to be plopped into a casket still not having done so。 But of course I know the show means quite a lot to many queer ladies of my generation and especially those slightly older， so I came in expecting to read a lot about it。 But even so， I am a little annoyed that if you were to build your comprehension of lesbian/bi/queer women's culture solely based on this book， you would probably think that the only shows and movies that matter to us are The L Word， Sugar Rush and Carol。 Literally to the point that the chapter of this book titled "Film"， barely mentions any other film than Carol。 Now I love that movie as much as the next queer gal， but if you're going to write an entire essay about Carol and the queer sex appeal of Cate Blanchett， call it "Carol and the queer sex appeal of Cate Blanchett" and not "Film"。 These were the kinds of oddly myopic takes on lesbian culture that frustrated me while reading this。So all in all this was a very nice collection of essays on lesbian and bi （but honestly mostly lesbian） culture in the 21st century， but it's probably not going to bring anything that new to the table。 The comfort and pleasure it gave me as a lesbian who rarely feels very seen in culture was palpable， but I think that might be the extent of its cultural impact。 Therefore I would recommend this to other 20-something lesbians who want to feel seen and maybe also have a chuckle at ourselves in a kind， communal sense， but doubt other demographics are going to get a whole lot out of it。 In fact， you should probably read Queer Intentions: A （Personal） Journey Through LGBTQ + Culture instead， for a much more comprehensive and nuanced view！ 。。。more
Katrina Wlodarczyk
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Very puff… not new information。 Might good be a good primer for straight people though。
Bethan
，
A viscerally warm and joyous part-memoir part-social history that's both a riotous celebration and a deeply introspective primer brimming with pop culture。 "There's an authenticity that sits right at the heart of queer culture that makes it inherently appealing。 The things that society teaches you to hate about yourself – the way you cross your legs on a chair， the way t-shirts hang on your body， the stuff that holds your attention – queer culture more readily embraces。 Within the culture of l A viscerally warm and joyous part-memoir part-social history that's both a riotous celebration and a deeply introspective primer brimming with pop culture。 "There's an authenticity that sits right at the heart of queer culture that makes it inherently appealing。 The things that society teaches you to hate about yourself – the way you cross your legs on a chair， the way t-shirts hang on your body， the stuff that holds your attention – queer culture more readily embraces。 Within the culture of lesbians especially， the male gaze – the idea that you should dress and act a certain way to appease men – is taken out almost entirely; it's simply not there。 And what you have left， is space。 Endless， free space to be yourself。""In later years， therapists would try to mine me for trauma surrounding my coming out。 They didn't understand that trauma doesn't always have its root in queerness。 You can be healthy in your queerness and fucked up everywhere else。 Or， more accurately， the initial coming out itself isn't the only and original source of anguish。""It's been over a decade since I first walked into the Joiners but still I remember the feeling of being surrounded by queer people and still I crave that feeling today。 I breathe a sigh of relief when I'm in an LGBTQ space even now。 It's subtle， my body relaxing in minute and indeterminable ways， like how your muscles stop tensing one by one when you climb into a hot bath。""Mental health problems can exist through a lens of shame and isolation。 Anger gets magnified。 The queer experience never got you into this mess， but the queer experience was there to pull you out of it。" 。。。more
Rhi
，
Gorgeous and funny and timely。 I laughed and smiled and felt comforted that half formed thoughts Ive had about queer identity where put down so thoughtfully！！ A must read。
Fozz
，
Enjoyed it so much and made me feel connected to a wider sapphic community and understand our recent history - also didn’t gatekeep sapphic identities thank god
Sandra Kosberg
，
been dreaming of a book like this for years and it did not disappoint
Jackie M
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 This was such a lovely read。 The author is also a '92 so all of the references and pop culture were perfectly aligned age-wise。 If I didn't always carry around the weird feeling that it's morally corrupt to highlight things in books or write in the margins I would have done so non-stop。 The experience of reading it felt like talking to some cool person you've just met at an airport or hotel bar and they keep giving you great recommendations on music， art， books， films etc。 and you don't want to This was such a lovely read。 The author is also a '92 so all of the references and pop culture were perfectly aligned age-wise。 If I didn't always carry around the weird feeling that it's morally corrupt to highlight things in books or write in the margins I would have done so non-stop。 The experience of reading it felt like talking to some cool person you've just met at an airport or hotel bar and they keep giving you great recommendations on music， art， books， films etc。 and you don't want to be weird by writing them all down in front of them but you're deathly afraid you'll forget them。 Criticisms: The book is very London-centric but given that this is the author's milieu that's understandable。 A slightly more significant criticism is that I felt like the book shied away from talking about any controversial topics which I do feel are kind of important in the context of talking about lesbian/bi culture。 Maybe the author simply didn't want to get embroiled in super thorny and controversial topics （who can blame her）。 Or maybe she just wanted to give zero airtime to TERFs or the gender critical which I respect， but it felt like an oversight to not delve into this at all。 Maybe it's so fringe but it does feel like this is an unfortunate part of the culture and the conversation right now （the dreaded JK Rowling moment， articles being penned talking about lesbians 'going extinct' or 'there are no butches left' （ie。 reaction to Elliot Page's journey） - even if this is total bullshit， there are people out there thinking this way）。 I do think the book would have been stronger if it had touched on these topics， even just to say 'I reject this kind of thinking completely， and here's why' etc。All in all however， this book was great。 Learned a lot and generally felt like a warm， exciting hug。 。。。more
Beth Younge
，
This was a really interesting read and I like how it touched on noughties culture and a lot of the talking points were very relevant to how I grew up and the kind of atmosphere around being queer in that time period。 The writing was accessible and easy to read and it was academic but also very informative and personable。 I would pick up more by this offer as she had a very good writing style and the way she she explored the time period with interesting and she hasn't very good most reflection bo This was a really interesting read and I like how it touched on noughties culture and a lot of the talking points were very relevant to how I grew up and the kind of atmosphere around being queer in that time period。 The writing was accessible and easy to read and it was academic but also very informative and personable。 I would pick up more by this offer as she had a very good writing style and the way she she explored the time period with interesting and she hasn't very good most reflection both for herself and from others in this。I received this book in exchange for an honest review。 。。。more
Jamie Lee
，
Easy to read and really well written， I absorbed this in one sitting。 Part memoir and jam packed with interviews about Bi/Lesbian Culture。 Daisy's writing is very readable， easy to follow and flows really well。 I really enjoyed the sections on Music and Film， especially loved the interview sections with MUNA。 While this book offers nothing mind-blowingly original。 I did enjoy it， it's just some parts/sections felt a little unnecessary and repetitive。 It was nice to read something from a Queer wo Easy to read and really well written， I absorbed this in one sitting。 Part memoir and jam packed with interviews about Bi/Lesbian Culture。 Daisy's writing is very readable， easy to follow and flows really well。 I really enjoyed the sections on Music and Film， especially loved the interview sections with MUNA。 While this book offers nothing mind-blowingly original。 I did enjoy it， it's just some parts/sections felt a little unnecessary and repetitive。 It was nice to read something from a Queer woman for Queer women that wasn't overly academic。 Some really funny and lovely heartfelt moments in here too。 。。。more
Rachel
，
Just can't express how good this is！！ I feel like I've been waiting for it for such a long time。 Daisy Jones is an amazing writer， it's like having a conversation with a friend。 The references are so perfect。 A really necessary book and one that is going to be read for years to come。 Just can't express how good this is！！ I feel like I've been waiting for it for such a long time。 Daisy Jones is an amazing writer， it's like having a conversation with a friend。 The references are so perfect。 A really necessary book and one that is going to be read for years to come。 。。。more
Althea
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2。5/5 StarsWhen I first started reading this book， I immediately was drawn into Daisy Jones' informal， chatty writing style and I was really excited to read this sapphic nonfiction book that was not in the slightest bit condescending to the reader。 But then shortly after the author described herself as being a lesbian while in the same breath saying that she is attracted to men。 This is not okay for a myriad of reasons that I won't be getting into in this review， but I can really say that from t 2。5/5 StarsWhen I first started reading this book， I immediately was drawn into Daisy Jones' informal， chatty writing style and I was really excited to read this sapphic nonfiction book that was not in the slightest bit condescending to the reader。 But then shortly after the author described herself as being a lesbian while in the same breath saying that she is attracted to men。 This is not okay for a myriad of reasons that I won't be getting into in this review， but I can really say that from this point on I found my thoughts on the book just a bit tainted。 This book is far from being original and in essence it's very surface level when it comes to the issues presented， which is fine， but I really wanted to feel something while I read the book。 I enjoyed the fact that the author included so much about her own journey with her sexuality and queer culture， and it did make the book all that more fun， but I think that， despite efforts to make the book as diverse as possible， a lot of it felt very white and focussed on sapphic culture in the early to mid 2000s。 Yes， apps like Tinder and TikTok were mentioned， because it'd be ridiculous not to mention the effect that they have on sapphic culture nowadays， but other than that it was stock full of almost outdated references that I feel a lot of younger sapphics just do not relate to。 I think it would have worked much better if， yes those aspects were kept in because no one can deny the effect that All the Things She Said and The L Word had， more recent examples were added too and given the same amount of nuance。 I would also have liked to see more nuance with reference to trans and nonbinary sapphics and sapphic people of colour as， as I mentioned earlier， this book really only focusses on what is very white sapphic culture。 I do acknowledge the fact that this book is titled everything I know about modern lesbian and bi culture， but it feels very insular。Overall， would I recommend this book？ No， probably not， especially if you are sapphic yourself， as a lot of it is not gonna be news to you。 If you are a member of the queer community who isn't sapphic， yeah why not pick it up。 But otherwise， I should have DNF-ed after the lesbophobic nonsense in the introduction。Thanks to Netgalley and Hodder & Stoughton for an eARC in return for an honest review！Want more sapphic books？ You can find me here: Book Blog | Twitter | Instagram 。。。more
Melissa
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I just finished this book， which I devoured。 Part memoir and part study， Daisy fluctuates between memories， reflections， research， interviews， theory and history beautifully。 I have learnt so much。 What a book and what a mind。 All the stars。
Claire
，
Really enjoyed this book， even if at times I felt old， it's a wonderful reflection of lesbian and Bi culture， interspersed with the author's own experience and memories。 Each chapter covers a different cultural aspect and starts with some memoir written in the second person which threw me a little at first but does help to differentiate it from the rest of the text。 She has researched each chapter thoroughly， quoting from relevant books and interviews she has done， which adds breadth and depth t Really enjoyed this book， even if at times I felt old， it's a wonderful reflection of lesbian and Bi culture， interspersed with the author's own experience and memories。 Each chapter covers a different cultural aspect and starts with some memoir written in the second person which threw me a little at first but does help to differentiate it from the rest of the text。 She has researched each chapter thoroughly， quoting from relevant books and interviews she has done， which adds breadth and depth to the cultural history she is exploring。 As she rightly points out many times， there is a real dearth of books that reflect the life of Lesbians， Bisexual and non binary folk and therefore this book is important， particularly for covering younger queer experience and also because she is UK based and we need more of that narrative for sure。 An important， interesting and inclusive social history。 With thanks to the publisher and to netgalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review。 。。。more
Haleena Hussain
，
Review to come。
El
，
Thanks to NetGalley + Hodder & Stoughton for the eArc。An entertaining and personal look at lesbian/bi culture in the UK， mostly centring on the 00s-present。 I enjoyed this， it was very readable and nostalgic， although I think I'm a little younger than the author so have slightly different touch points （Skins S3/4 instead of The Real L Word）。 I wasn't a big fan of the second person anecdotes at the start of each chapter， I think 2nd person can always be a little clunky especially in non-fiction， Thanks to NetGalley + Hodder & Stoughton for the eArc。An entertaining and personal look at lesbian/bi culture in the UK， mostly centring on the 00s-present。 I enjoyed this， it was very readable and nostalgic， although I think I'm a little younger than the author so have slightly different touch points （Skins S3/4 instead of The Real L Word）。 I wasn't a big fan of the second person anecdotes at the start of each chapter， I think 2nd person can always be a little clunky especially in non-fiction， and I do think the blurb paints this as a less specific and personal look at lesbian/bi culture than what it actually is。 For example while clubbing， music， dating， the internet， mental health and style are all touched upon there's nothing about sports or veggie lesbians or queer theory and activism， which I definitely think also qualify as lesbian/bi culture。 However， I completely respect how inclusive this is， the treatment of bi women and lesbians as sharing a culture and the acknowledgment of fluidity of labels。 My favourite parts of the book were the style chapter （although I associate mullets more with environmentalists than lesbians tbh） and the parts that looked at how Gen Z view gender and sexuality and how they're interacting with queerness。An addendum: this book （very briefly） quotes Katie Heaney and last I heard she was biphobic？ 。。。more
Ocean
，
A very insightful and informative look at lesbian and bi culture。 This book shows how things have changed over the years， and how some things are still the same。 With some personal anecdotes as well as pure facts， and with chapters ranging from music， film and tv to dating， clubs， and mental health， this book covers many topics and how they impact lesbian and bi culture。 Jones has clearly made an effort to be as inclusive as possible throughout this book， with mentions of trans and nonbinary peo A very insightful and informative look at lesbian and bi culture。 This book shows how things have changed over the years， and how some things are still the same。 With some personal anecdotes as well as pure facts， and with chapters ranging from music， film and tv to dating， clubs， and mental health， this book covers many topics and how they impact lesbian and bi culture。 Jones has clearly made an effort to be as inclusive as possible throughout this book， with mentions of trans and nonbinary people at times。 In this ARC there was one sentence where disabled people were referred to as "differently abled"， a term many disabled people despise。 However， after reaching out to the author， I was told this would be changed to reflect the language that disabled people prefer。 This is an incredible and up to date book on lesbian and bi culture。 。。。more
Paige
，
[review coming soon]
Claire （Book Blog Bird）
，
All The Things She Said （named after the *very* memorable 2002 song by t。A。T。u） is an exploration of 21st century queer culture and shows how lesbian and bi culture has started to infiltrate the mainstream。So first， the good bits:I loved the author's writing style。 Factual， but conversational， like you're having a chat with a mate and they're telling you about her specialist subject， but not in a patronising way。 I think sometimes journalism skills don't translate into book-writing skills， but i All The Things She Said （named after the *very* memorable 2002 song by t。A。T。u） is an exploration of 21st century queer culture and shows how lesbian and bi culture has started to infiltrate the mainstream。So first， the good bits:I loved the author's writing style。 Factual， but conversational， like you're having a chat with a mate and they're telling you about her specialist subject， but not in a patronising way。 I think sometimes journalism skills don't translate into book-writing skills， but in this case they did。It was super inclusive and included conversations with trans and NB folk。 Yes， please。 More of this。Also， that it focuses on UK queer culture。 There is not enough of this around。 Americans are lovely， but I'm not American and their mainstream culture and queer culture is just different from ours so this was really refreshing to read。OK， so I do not understand the author's obsession with mullets。 Seriously？ Mullets？？ The impression I got was that mullets are this ubiquitous must-have style for the modern lesbian。 Well， I'm here to tell you that it's not！ I'm as old as dirt and I can remember Pat Sharp's scary mullet on Art Attack in the eighties; it wasn't a good look then and I don't care how many hot women decide to go 'business up top， party at the back' - it will never be a good look。The only thing that stopped this being a five star read was that the viewpoint it was written from was purely personal。 And I totally get why this is - there are as many experiences of queer culture as there are queer people so to cover everyone's experience would have been impossible。 However， I thought from the blurb that this would be written from a broader point of view。 The author's experiences are very different from my own， so ultimately I didn't find myself going 'Yes yes！ Me too！' as I was reading， like at all， （see above re。 mullets）。Thanks to Hodder & Stoughton and Netgalley for a review copy of this book。 。。。more
Siobhan
，